I missed blogging last week, I had to take a break due to my health. The thoughts from last week have passed and I had time to do a lot of thinking. There has been a lot of omission from what I had planned to publish due to recent events. I will be unpacking my thoughts and lessons in three different segments.
Here is today’s episode on my therapy session.
The fortress
I always complained that I was dealt all the wrong cards until I decided to take all the bricks thrown at me and use them to build something beautiful. A fortress for myself where I could be more accepting of myself, learn to love and understand myself. Be strong and show up for myself. I have grown up being misunderstood for whatever reason. I stand up for myself, speak up, know my worth, and do not tolerate disrespect or hypocrisy.
I am anti-social by choice in certain environments and I am not proud of it. I do not agree with most societal norms, religious doctrines and the injustices of culture. I do not hide that and that causes friction between me and the people that choose to live in harmony with all the things that are wrong with this world. I am the type of person that will not waste my time trying to prove my point to people that do not have the capacity to comprehend that the world is not black and white. It is okay to have different opinions, values and perspectives, and still have peaceful meaningful conversations. I do not have to agree with you but I can listen and learn something.
The problem is that most of us are concerned with being right and take another person’s silence as imbecility. Some people would rather remain quiet because they know you are not ready to hear the message they have to deliver and would rather keep their peace.
I have learnt that I should never adjust myself to accommodate others because it comes back to bite you in the ass. My final year at campus, I chose to commute because I wanted to stay away from the drama and distance myself from the wrong friends I had made. A few nights back, I came home and cried and I remembered a few life lessons I had learnt in the past. I chose to intentionally stay away from people because I wanted to avoid gossip and unnecessary drama. The lessons I had learnt at Girls for Girls (G4G) about the workplace; Girls for Girls has been a true blessing in my life. My mother’s caution about who I am and how it will and always has made some people feel a certain way.
Sometimes you get so wrapped up in the excitement of bonding with others, feeling accepted and loved, you end up saying or doing things that unintentionally hurt others. The best you can do is re-evaluate yourself, apologize where necessary and stay away to avoid problems. To keep your peace and protect yourself. People will always question why you act a certain way, say, “you have changed,… you are proud.” But they choose to have selective amnesia about the events that led you to be that way and the part they played in it.
Authenticity
Support comes in different forms and Girls for Girls does not know the impact they are having on our lives. I no longer feel alone, I know there are people I can talk to who have been through some of the things I am currently going through. The feeling is unexplainable, you feel that your hand is being held and you are not alone as you navigate this life as a strong woman.
I was listening in to the book club review last month on the book, ‘Women and leadership by Julia Gillard and Ngozi Okonjo Iweala’ and picked up a few tips. The tips I will share today are those that apply to the situation I am currently facing. One of our mentors shared an incident where she took the initiative and asked one of her colleagues why they had a particular dislike for a fellow woman and they had no clear answer. Some will say, “I do not know, I just do not like her,” and most often than not, such women usually try to create a team to gang up on you and plant the seed of hate in them too.
These are words I choose to live by. Do not let anyone dim your shine. Everyone has their timing and we can all be winners. Take the confidence of another woman as an inspiration not an intimidation. Be authentic, be you, you cannot control how others feel about you, neither can you control their opinions or perceptions of you. Embrace the fact that you will not be loved and accepted by everyone but you will meet people that will love you for you. Keep those people close.
Fighting your battles on your knees
The text that my mother sent me last night. She knows me in and out not just because I am her daughter but because she has given me that environment that allows me to be me and to open up to her about anything. Prayer has been one of her greatest gifts to me. I turn to God for everything and anything, I am not a perfect human but I strive to be better everyday.
When I shared with her what was going on she told me to fight my battles on my knees. There is no day that God has not come through for me, comforted me and given me the peace that I need. Sometimes it is best not to say much because humans will be humans and people only understand from their level of perception. You can only understand others as deeply as you understand yourself. Leave your battles to God, even the petty ones.
THE EMOTIONAL GURU 
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